Sign Guides · The Intake Form

What's Your Sign?

zodiac affiliation, determined by birthday and our unwavering confidence

Somehow you've arrived at a sarcastic horoscope site without knowing which fate applies to you. Admirable. The remedy is below: find your birthday in the ledger, note the sign it files you under, and proceed directly to your character file for the full assessment.

The zodiac assigns you a personality based on which slice of the calendar you were born into. Is that scientifically rigorous? No. Is it more fun than a corporate personality test behind a login wall? Considerably.

The Official Intake Ledger

birthdays in, verdicts out

CapricornDecember 22 – January 19

AquariusJanuary 20 – February 18

PiscesFebruary 19 – March 20

AriesMarch 21 – April 19

TaurusApril 20 – May 20

GeminiMay 21 – June 20

CancerJune 21 – July 22

LeoJuly 23 – August 22

VirgoAugust 23 – September 22

LibraSeptember 23 – October 22

ScorpioOctober 23 – November 21

SagittariusNovember 22 – December 21

Born on the first or last day of a range? Congratulations, you're "on the cusp," which means two signs are now equally unwilling to take responsibility for you. Officially, the boundary shifts with the year and hour of your birth; unofficially, pick whichever character file offends you less.